Monday, August 8, 2011


"Alas, we no longer get to say 'alas' with a straight face, but 'alas' used, according to legend, to be what you said in great stoic sorrow over tragedies ineluctable, over the blackly implacable telos of Nature's flawed unfolding." (Foster, David. Brief interviews with hideous men. Back Bay Books, 2000. 244.)

- As I was reading along in my book, finding the story to be convoluted at best, I found myself thinking: "If I were a mermaid sitting on a rock, I could say 'alas' with a straight face!" Thank you Davie.

Before thou readest on, consider well thy motives. If thou desirest knowledge of the epic adventures of Fair Eireann of Brien, look no further. Many a minstrel might tempt thee with myths and faery songs, but only I speak the truth. If thou hast a pure heart, may these words guide thee in thy quest, but for those who would seek to harm, be warned, thy deeds shall haunt thee...

Our tale begins in magic and mystery. One day our heroine undertook a great journey across the time zone vortex in search of her family. She had been sent to a far away land to find her way in the world (hers was a very progressive Midieval family), but she new that this was a time that she must return and accomplish noble deeds in her own magnificent kingdom. I can see in thy mind's eye that thou hast already been told the story of her treacherous voyage through the skies and some of her other battles, so I shall tell you only of those seemingly little-known things which art held in greatest secrecy...

When Eireann found herself back in her lush homeland, not far outside of the Emerald City, she immersed herself in the doings and culture of her populace.

She went dancing with her mother and wore her enchanted yellow shoes... they even braved the mud and lightning of a thunderstorm to perform.

She discovered that her father, a gifted healer, had been taken as a pottery apprentice and shown himself to be exceedingly gifted. He gave her as a token a bowl and cup that were wondrously beautiful and through some inherent magic of the art seemed to make their contents taste better.

She attended the wedding of her gorgeous cousin and now cousin-in-law... they are very happy and Eireann was glad to admit that the whole thing couldn't have gone any better :)

She and her friends (those who had been inducted into the secret society) braved the ancient annual rite of consuming large quantities of overly-hydrating fruit with a significant amount of pain but a great sense of accomplishment, despite the distractions caused by a noisy squirrel that took her cracker and a family of six deer who probably had no interest at all in crackers.

She lamented her lack of a personal transport, especially as she experienced first hand her younger brother's pseudo-expert handling of said transport for the first time.

She began the great undertaking of a personal quest to discover the secrets of music. One Sir Ben J. came to teach her the ways of improvisation and the blues scale. That and a trip to her roots with Celtic duets and an entire afternoon flew by. The next phase of her quest is yet incomplete, as she prepares a performance piece for a certain elite group she is a member of back in her far away land.

She was reminded of how much she loves little children.

She survived the grueling experience of having what was left of her wisdom removed from her mouth (though it is to be hoped that it had already dispersed throughout the rest of her body, as she prefers to be not terribly foolish). It was not so grueling after all. She didn't even have to use her prescription anti-pain potion, and only took the ordinary one for 12 hrs. Eireann was absurdly pleased by this fact.

She continues to help attach siding to the exterior of her families unfinished castle... it is beginning to look most pleasingly castle-like... while wild bunnies hop through the dusk and a dratted squirrel takes up roost in the attic, tauntingly poking its head out of ventilation holes from time to time, but so far nigh un-catchable.

It is rumored that soon Eireann and her family will embark on their journey to The Lake and back, and that not long after she will take a visit from one of her friends from far away (who was even farther away this summer), for which she is very excited. Also to come hopefully before she departs back to her alternate home is a viewing of Harry Potter... finally.

So it is here that I leave thee, faithful listener, in this tale of Lady Eireann. Many things thou hast heard, still more things will be left unsaid, but even more things are yet to come, for she plans not on ending her adventures for many a year...



  1. i am so glad i found this. it is amazing.

    -laura, but i don't feel like signing in

  2. This is so epic. What a great post!